Back in February I lost my job. I was going to school full time and thought that this would be the perfect opportunity to spend some time working towards my dream of becoming a writer. I gave myself six months to do what I could, to put all my efforts into writing. After six months I would see where I was at, and what my next steps would be. At that time, I started a personal journal that I called “On The Road to Success.” It would be my ‘diary’ of fulfilling my dream of becoming a writer.
I have not written in this journal every day, sometimes not even every week. If you were to read my journal, you would see that the first four months I spent basically wandering around in circles. Not exactly sure what direction to choose. I needed to make money, eventually. I looked at several websites where you can get paid to write articles. I applied to several and was turned down by every single one of them.
At the same time, I started writing this blog. I love this blog and I look forward to writing these post. It allows me to write about whatever I want to write about. This had become my true pleasure when writing. As I mentioned, I am going to school to obtain a Bachelor’s Degree in English Literature. I have to write an essay every week for class on a subject that I am given.
So somewhere between applying for article writing jobs, writing essays for school, and writing for this blog, I realized I was the happiest when writing this blog where I could write what I wanted when I wanted. I decided that if I am going to truly fulfill my dream of becoming a writer that I had to write on my own terms. I am much happier writing creatively; I am not a journalist.
At this point, I have wasted four months trying to do something that I now realize I didn’t really want to do after all. The decision has been made and that all my writing endeavors will be the creative kind, whatever my imagination can dream up. But…now I only have two months to write creatively before I come to that crossroad in my life.
But here it is three months later and what do I do now? One thing I know for sure is that I will continue down that Road To Success one way or another. The question is ‘Will it be the slow road because I have to find a ‘real’ job?’ or ‘Do I continue on until the very last minute before finding a real job?’ Is the road I am on really the road to success?
Self-doubt is horrible. He has come to visit these past couple of days and even though I have tried to evict him, he lingers on. He whispers in my ear and hangs out at the edge of my vision. He hinders my productivity and he questions my choices. It is definitely time for him to leave, he has over stayed his welcome.
I know in the end that the self-doubt will leave. I also know that he will be back again. Dealing with him is part of life, everybody’s life. We must deal with him quickly and move on. I also know that he will accompany me all along the Road to Success.
What do you do when self-doubt comes to visit you?